


The Art Of Grief

by donnarafiki



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Death from Old Age, Draco Malfoy in the Muggle World, Grief/Mourning, Healer Draco Malfoy, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mentions of Cancer, Minor Character Death, Past Astoria Greengrass/Draco Malfoy, Sad with a Happy Ending, death of arthur weasley, death of astoria greengrass, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 11:15:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17324000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donnarafiki/pseuds/donnarafiki
Summary: There was one thing Astoria feared most of all when she was dying, and it wasn't death itself. She was scared of what her husband would do when she was gone. The man she'd loved back to life, the man who had taught her how to smile again, that very man was falling apart at her bedside with every shallow, raspy breath she took. So she made him promise.“Promise me you won’t let that self hatred get the best of you. There’s so much more life out there that you deserve to live. Don’t devote your life to raising our son. Be strong for him, help him learn his way in life, but don’t forget yourself. Don’t forget to live. Go find yourself some happiness, love. Find yourself a new life and live it like there’s no tomorrow. That’ll make me smile from up above.”And that's exactly what Draco did.





	The Art Of Grief

**Author's Note:**

> this fic deals with death and grief and it's not light but I promise it's hopeful. I hope you'll enjoy<3

“Don’t-, don’t be alone, Draco. Promise me.” Draco was quite sure his wife would have cried if her body had still been capable of producing tears. Magic fueled leukemia was vicious and cruel. There was nothing they could do for her. “Promise me you won’t let that self hatred get the best of you. There’s so much more life out there that you deserve to live.”

“It’s you who deserves to live that, Astoria.” _If I could I would take your place_. But that was exactly the offer Astoria didn’t want him to make, so he didn’t. “I wish there was something I could do.”

“There is.” A smile pulled on her cracked lips. Astoria’s breathing was laboured, shallow, and accompanied by no good noises. They were talking about days now, possibly hours. In all likeliness this was the last conversation he would ever have with her. “Don’t devote your life to raising our son. Be strong for him, help him learn his way in life, but don’t forget yourself. Don’t forget to live. Go find yourself some happiness, love. Find yourself a new life and live it like there’s no tomorrow. That’ll make me smile from up above.”

Draco couldn’t find it in himself to say anything, so he just nodded and kissed his wife’s hand. He tried to make her comfortable and warm while she was dying, though it was a losing battle. Her death was not of the peaceful kind. Nor was the grieving process that followed, or the endless nights when Scorpius couldn’t stop asking for his mum.

But in the end, all that pain and misery did lead him to a good place. It had led him to where he was now. Standing in a bookshop, signing copies of his own children’s books for an orphanage charity, with a very small looking Harry Potter in front of his table.

“I-, I-, you wrote a book about dying, didn’t you? For kids?” It were the first words spoken between them in a very long time. They had been on friendly terms after the war, but lost touch when married life and careers began to consume their time. Draco had not seen him in seven years.

“I did.” Draco nodded. Instinct told him to act aloof around his old rival, but he threw that idea out the window and gave Harry a warm smile. “More than one, actually. I’m a part time nurse now, on the children’s oncology ward. We see all kinds of people there, and they inspire me to write. You can’t say a proper goodbye if you don’t understand what’s going on.”

Draco had stepped around the table before Harry broke down because he had already seen the inevitable in his eyes. It wasn’t all that rare in his line of work. But what did surprise him was how Harry melted into his hug like he’d been starved for that kind of touch.

Draco guessed that the man in his arms had tried to be strong for everybody else, and in turn people forgot he was hurting too. It was a role older siblings often played. Hide your pain to keep the family together.

“It’s okay, Harry. It’s okay to grieve.” He rubbed Harry’s back and shot an apologetic smile at the woman behind Harry in the queue. She just nodded back at him, full of understanding, and gestured that he should take his time. Apparently not all kindness had left the world yet. “I know it hurts but it will only hurt more if you try to hold it back.”

“I have to hold it back.” Harry said way too soon for Draco’s liking. He was clearly fighting his tears with all he had. “I can’t break down every time Lily asks me where her granddad is, or when James can’t find anyone to play that stupid hungry hungry hippo game with.”

“Hungry hungry hippo isn’t stupid, it’s brilliant.” Draco countered, mostly for the sake of lightning the air a bit. He gave Harry one last squeeze before he felt that the man was ready to let go. “Now, a book. I do happen to have some of those.”

“You do?” Harry pushed his tears away with a chuckle and dried his cheeks. “I’m sorry for bothering you, and for being such a mess. I’ve just never been very good at losing people and I can’t-, I can’t go on with my kids asking all of this. And I’m definitely not the only one. I think George might do something to himself if his youngest keeps asking where grandpa is. The only reason he won’t is because Ron’s clinging to him every second of the day now that ‘Moine threw herself into work. And you should see the state of the Burrow. Not a single surface isn’t filled with freshly baked goods, Molly hasn’t stopped cooking since.”

“Everyone says goodbye in their own way.” Draco gave Harry another warm smile along with a stack of books. When he explained each book his voice went slightly into professional mode to his own surprise. Though he had never really talked to Arthur Weasley much, he had seen what a caring, loving father he’d been. He didn’t doubt he would be greatly missed.

“ _Goodnight, grandpa_ is a picture book mostly, for the younger ones. _I miss you so much it hurts_ is more something for kids becoming teenagers, though I found some parents like reading it too. And _A star in the sky_ is written for teenagers and adults but it is kid friendly. It discusses celebrating things like Christmas and birthdays without the one you lost. And all books have an audio CD, because sometimes it can be difficult to read out loud.”

“You really thought of everything, haven’t you?” Harry tried hiding his fresh tears by looking down to the books in Draco’s hands. “I bet if Hermione ever wrote something it would be just as well thought out as this.”

Draco chuckled. “I bet she would have made a spreadsheet to go with it too.”

“Probably.” And suddenly Harry was in Draco’s arms again, though the hug was a lot less desperate than last time. “I-, I-, Thank you. I wasn’t sure what to do anymore. I just saw an add with your name on it in the paper and I vaguely remembered something about this . But this is better than I could have hoped for.”

“I just hope it will help. The first year after losing someone is always the hardest.” Draco sniffed a bit himself. Harry took the books from him, added some extra copies from the piles on the table and put way more money than he owed in the charity box. Some things never changed. Just before he left, Draco grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “I’m sorry for your loss, Harry.”

“Thanks.” Harry shot him a small smile, and had nearly turned away when he thought better of it and said, “And Draco, in case you can spare the time, you’d be more than welcome at the Burrow. Or my house, if you’d like. I reckon your son is about as old as my kids. And Molly would love having someone as skinny as you around to feed all her baked goods to. It would help to fill in the gap you know? It’s harder to miss someone when you’re busy.”

“Of course. Thank you for the invitation, Harry. I might take you up on that.” He definitely would, he decided as he saw a spark of excitement in Harry’s eyes. Plus, Scorpius had always wanted to have a large family, but all Draco could ever him was a grandmother who lived in France and a family of his late mother who pretended he didn’t exist. Their terrible way of dealing with grief had been one of his inspirations to start writing. “And Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year to you too, Draco.” Harry waved at him, a sincere look on his face. “And don’t forget to bring your kid when you visit. I bet James would love to teach him Hungry Hungry Hippo.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll bring him.” Draco promised with a small smile. And he would. He wouldn’t fail to show up to the Burrow or Harry’s home and the many festivities held there for years to come. First as friend and father, then as blushing date, confident boyfriend, and eventually happy husband. He had never once failed his promise to Astoria, to live each day like there was no tomorrow, to learn how to love himself, to raise their son to be a good lad and a splendid father once his time came.

To make his wife smile, wherever she might be now.

To be happy, and safe, and loved.

He hoped he had made her proud

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are very much welcome. I hope that was a good read<3


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